The lack of human connection or just the general inaccessibility to this, relative to how easy it used to be before the pandemic, I think has hit me hard today again after a long time. The day just felt so lonely and overwhelming and I don’t know why. There weren’t any notable differences in the weight of the concerns I had to deal with. Maybe it was all in my head. But I don’t really know what made me feel heavier today than all the other days.
Seven pm on a Friday night feels so different to how it used to be just nine months ago. Now seven pm on a Friday night is a good time to wind down, get a bit of the night’s breeze, keep my room cool, and find a good distraction. Sometimes, it would also be about finishing a bit of work so the Saturday can be completely allotted for me-time. Before the quarantines, seven pm on a Friday night was like a school bell signaling recess – but instead it would signal the start of the nights that felt would and should last forever – the nights of promise, regret, amusement, and capriciousness.
The days are getting quieter and quieter relative to my expectations of this time of year. There is usually so much buzz because of how the holidays are impending, and the rush just compounds the movement, the delays, the noise. Everyone being stranded just cause of how people are all gathered at all the hotspots in the commercial districts is what this season usually spells for us inhabitants of the greater metropolitan area. And though there are a lot of attendant inconveniences this brings, I have to admit that there’s some sort of undefined hole somewhere in my psyche just because I’ve been so used to all the hullabaloo, and its absence is proving to be just as deafening.
What can we do to prevent a storm’s rage? I think the best we can is to really take care of our planet more. Plant more trees, reduce consumption, reduce waste, go for sustainable and durable materials, put things in their proper places.
I don’t know if it’s the quarantines making me feel like the mornings are so glorious now, the same way it totally changed my body clock, too; or it may also be how other people who’ve had covid have talked or posted about how being out in the sun instantly lifts their physiological state by a substantial amount.