I thought this week was going to be a tight one, as it usually always is because of the December rush, and I was prepared to brace myself. But here we are, at the end of it, and surprisingly, it turned out to be more relaxed than I expected it to be. I’m not sure if it’s because there really was less work to be done than I anticipated; or if I just managed to be able to say no more now than I used to, and if the environment has permitted me to say no more easily now than before when everything was much more accessible and therefore there were no plausible excuses for refusal; or if I am just able to manage myself and my sanity better now.
December usually marks quite a tumultuous period for me. Everyone is rushing to meet quarter 4 quotas, taking advantage of the Christmas hype to promote, sell, and over-deliver. Traffic also swells to epic proportions during this time, and everyone is just used to it. They schedule Christmas get-togethers anyway, in central business districts nonetheless, as if it’s no hassle to just be where everyone is at this particular moment in time. The congestion is no problem at all. Haha. These are one of the things I dread the most about this season, actually.
When you’ve been used to feeling harassed and barely getting to finish anything you’ve set to finish, when you’ve a list of to-do’s and you end each day feeling as if you’ve simply scratched the surface, having some time at night to actually breathe and do something you like doing feels so unreal. I guess that’s what I’m feeling right now, as I end the first week of the month that is usually the toughest for me.
I really need to work on accepting how things can be much easier than I make them out to be. Often, just to manage my own disappointments, I just set the bar for satisfaction so high, that when I actually feel satisfied and fulfilled, I’m finding it hard to accept and just relax into it. And I know that that’s just so wrong. I want to be able to embrace that life should be fun and joyful, and not a calvarous experience all the time. I want to condition myself to feeling happy and accepting that work is finished when it really is finished! It’s funny how when I usually declare that the work for the day is finished, I’m automatically second-guessing this declaration and tell myself that I’m wrong – for sure there is something I missed. I look for an unmet to-do. I should really stop all this nonsense.
I’m really glad for the more peaceful December right now. I’m glad I don’t have to be in the traffic so much, the way I used to every working year of my life. I’m happy that even if there have been drawbacks in this very peculiar year, there are a lot of real and tangible benefits to my health, enjoyment, and peace, too.